Both of my ears are clogged still, so I sleep through my morning alarm by an hour and wake up at exactly the time when the morning session starts. I absolutely can’t stand when I’m late to anything or when I sleep through my alarm, so the combination puts a bad feeling to the start of my day.
I quickly jump in the shower (meaning throw a bucket of water on my head) and run over. I sit in the back to try and not disturb anyone. Unfortunately this is where all the young boys sit, so it’s an added difficulty to pay attention past them to what everyone else is doing.
As if there wasn’t enough to go wrong and distract me, a kitten comes around and is begging, in my general vicinity, for food I’m assuming. The boys around me keep flipping it away or kicking it. It’s kind of sad to see because it’s not even old enough to meow yet and really skinny. It comes over to me and I try to use my book to shoo it away. I can’t help but think of the stories from a good friend in Ghana about the parasites she got from animals. With all this going on I can be sure that the last thing I’ll be doing this morning is getting into a good meditation.
Finally, I just ignore the kitten and let it rub up on me. I figure it’s better if it hangs around me anyway so none of those boys kick it again. It eventually just stops rubbing on me and just chills next to me. There’s got to be some kind of analogy there with how to deal with resistance. It seems so strange really, but the moment I became less attached to the things around me, the less they seemed interested in distracting me. Okay, maybe I will get more out of this session than I thought.
Off to breakfast. I think everything the whole morning didn’t help because I’m feeling more down about meditation as a spiritual practice. It’s just proposterous to me that I could try something for so long and yet still not really find and tangible lasting success. Sure there’s the little breakthroughs, but that’s not why I’m doing it in the first place. I’m doing this to improve my life in a way that pervades everything for the long term.
Back from breakfast I sit in the front and go through all the motions again. I feel a little better at the end of the session, but still am not making the progress I would make if I spent this kind of time on ANYTHING else. I’m beginning to think that either this is the hardest thing I’ve ever attempted or that I should accept the investment and stop butting my head against the wall. Regardless I’m going to stick out the rest of my time here and really give it a try the whole way through.
Okay picture time. I’ll end on a good note here.
Here’s some of the jackfruit I’ve talked about so much. In my hand, that brown thing is the seed and the yellow is the fruit that you eat. The majority of the thing right behind my hand you don’t actually eat. The one in the back isn’t split open yet. A lot of people don’t like jack fruit and I just thought it was strange at first. It was introduced to me in Ghana when other than the occasional orange or bannana there wasn’t much diversity to the fruit. This was that sizzle that I leaned to really love. It’s very sweet and when it’s perfectly ripe, very slimy. It’s quite hard to eat and the sap inside of it might get on your hands and feel like glue. It’s all so worth it though because it’s packed with vitamins, sweet, and juicy.
I really love the morning sky and walking to work everyday gives me a daily dose of wonder. Sometimes, okay every time, I’ll be lost in my head and then catch a glimpse of the sky and just take a deep breath and enjoy the beauty. Even though that absorption is fleeting, it’s a nice way to start the day of working in an office.